The Final Countdown
Sorry to anyone who remembers Europe's 'The Final Countdown' and now has an ear-worm.
But I am standing on a precipice and thought I'd share with you what this feels like.
I'm about to launch book number 2 (Thursday - eek) and my current mood can only be described in oxymorons: ecstatic terror or composed jitteriness. In short, I'm all over the blummin place.
The part of me that feels relatively calm (my head) cannot fool the part of me that's undeniably nervous (my body). The feeling is a bit like the one you get when you're a kid just before your birthday, or as an adult just before a job interview. Wibbly, wobbly, jittery. Happy, with occasional attacks of anxiety. Hopeful and fearful all at once. A complete and utter nightmare to live with.
I'll be honest. I'm a control freak. So sending something as precious as my novel out in to the world and being UNABLE TO CONTROL the outcome is nothing short of terrifying. (Worse, on some, primitive level my body still believes that if I clench my buttocks and any other random muscles hard enough I can will my book to do well. The upside? At least I'll be a bit more toned come summer. The down? I'm more than a little bit tense.)
It all starts on Monday, where I'm starting my Author of the Week slot in a lovely Facebook group. Other highlights include Wednesday when I'm getting my hair done (YAY), then doing a live chat with a book group, and later launching my novel with the help of three other writers through a gorgeous little indie bookshop (online, but the closest I'm going to get to a UK shop from France). Then on ACTUAL RELEASE DAY I'm going on Instagram and chatting to the fabulous Lindsey Kelk.
I've also got a blog tour with some really fab book bloggers running from 13th to 23rd, and lots of other little things popping up here and there. It's going to be exciting. It's going to be exhausting. It's going to be... well, I hope it might even be FUN.
I am lucky. I am so, so lucky to be in this position. I never really thought I'd get here. And I want to enjoy the experience of launching, with all its ups and downs. I'm looking over the edge of the cliff and trying to imagine calm, blue oceans to dive into. And if not, a lifeboat hovering nearby. I'm determined not to ruin this for myself by over-stressing, and reminding myself that whatever happens, I've got this far.
And that, without anything more, is a dream come true.